Takes Three to Tango
by Inita
Summary: Guys don't shop. It shouldn't be that hard to grasp. When Neku and Beat run to Mr. H for help, they are met with Joshua instead, who accidentally sends all three of them to a new setting, another day.


**A/N****: **_I'm in a chipper mood though I _should _be studying... Oh well. I've been studying for this God da** motherfiretruckin' chemistry test a week before the bloody deadline, so fu** it, I'm writing a fanfic! Whoo! Fu** yeah! I beat TWEWY (finally... I spent most of my time screwing around in Week 2, boosting up Joshua's bravery so he could wear girl clothes... Did I mention he has the highest bravery out of all my characters with Beat and Shiki being the lowest?), and I decided to make a parody fanfic. While maintaining grammar, derp._

_Strictly Beat/Neku/Joshua-platonic... No angst, hopefully, since this is a bloody parody... Okay, so it _might _take on a bit more serious genre in the future, but not now.__  
**Warning: **__OOC in the first chapter but will gradually straighten out as time goes by (with some OOC moments here and there; I will warn you readers)._

_**Summary: **__When Neku and Beat escape the wrath of Shiki and Eri, they head to WildKat café in hopes of persuading The One and Only Sanae Hanekoma into talking some sense into the girls that _**_GUYS HATE SHOPPING! _**_But when they're met with a certain Composer, things may be a bit different... Especially when they wind up meeting themselves. Yeah, you heard right._

_Read on and enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own The World Ends With You._

~.~.~.

The day was bright and high, sunny and practically reeking with the stench of euphoria...

Yep, no chances of random Composers falling from the sky today (oops, spoilers).

Neku Sakuraba, a.k.a that Emo-kid from down the street, woke up on the wrong side of the bed – quite literally. His alarm rang right as the big hand smacked the six, ultimately snapping him awake and attracting fingers to its off button. It was in this little action where gravity decided to be a bitch, grasping its filthy hands around Neku's waist (which was on the brink of the mattress) and pulling him to the ground in a tangle of blankets. This resulted in a pissed off Neku with a bump the size of an eggplant sprouting elegantly from the centre of his head whilst the alarm blared like a woman during her time of month. So, before his mother could barge in, screeching like a... woman during her time of month, Neku hurriedly pulled himself back onto the bed, slamming his fist hastily down onto the button that read "off", but should've read "ohmigod, make it stop!".

Following this, the redhead, who is oddly dubbed "brunette" by fans on a certain writing website, grabbed the nearest clothes he could reach, consisting of a tan hoodie from Mus Rattus and jeans from Natural Puppy. Why the hell Neku still had such girly brands was unknown to him but... Hey, they _fit _and they weren't exactly the "skinny jeans" that girls or very flamboyant guys would use to show off the outline of their ass, so who honestly gave a shit? Hehe... said the one who went around buying dresses from Lapin Angelique – "it's for _armor_, mom!", Neku would complain.

So, after the little dressing episode, he opened the door to his room and marched downstairs, ready to go out and meet his friends at the Statue of Hachiko. Along the way, he reailsed how redundant that was. Every bloody day it would be, "It's the Statue of Hachiko, bitches! Meet up with me there!"; they needed a new secret base. Some place that could be dubbed 'secret' without being smack in the middle of broad daylight with random people running back and forth.

But that was besides the point. He was halfway pass the kitchen when his mother jumped him.

"Neku! How are you this morning, dear?"

Regaining his posture once she released him from, Neku responded: "I'm fine. Just headin' out to meet some of my friends..."

She seemed to pout- wait, what? Mothers don't pout... Oh Nekky, you so craaazy~! "Do you at least have fun when you go out? Neku, friendship is a serious thing; don't let it go, especially if these people are caring and kind." Here, Mrs. Sakuraba frowned. "You promise not to trade them for anyone else, right? Not for those rich kids that go to Pegaso twenty-four seven, right?"

Poor Neku was trying to sort out his answers while receiving the worst mind rape of his life. Maybe summarise her questions into one answer...? Yeah, that'll work: "Of course not, mom. I actually like hanging out with people who came back from the dead rather rich and spoiled bratty kids that have never gotten a second chance at life because they haven't yet got hit by a car, jumped out of a window, or got shot by some crazed boy(who actually turned out to be an almighty Composer capable of Jesus Beaming people) about their age because they wanted to be their partner and decided that was the best way to express their affection." To assure her, he gave a small smile, inwardly sweat-dropping at the gapped expression she donned.

Breaking a quarter of the awkwardness, he coughed. "Ahem, well... I'll be back for supper! Bye!"

Normally Neku didn't like acting like a total dick; that was Joshua's job. But when his mother started asking the questions, he would pull the "Dick Card", a.k.a the "Joshua Card". He really had no time for loitering in his household or else he'd miss out on planning with Beat what they would do for the day. In other words: Plan out their escape before the girls got there. One foot outside his house and the sun attacked him mercilessly, sweat already forming on the spot betwixt the nose and upper lip.

Fortunately, Hachiko wasn't far from his house, so he was the first – second – one there.

He waved a casual hand in greeting. "Hey, Beat. What's—" Neku was cut off by Beat himself, who had tackled the boy like a puppy would its owner. However, in contrast, this was different; Beat was in a panic and on the brink of another nervous breakdown.

"Phones! We've gotta make evasion action! Jus' so ya know, Rhyme was on da phone las' night talkin' with Shiki en' Eri What's-her-face! They're gonna be here in any minute and we gonna be their shopping models and carry their... _bags_, and stuff! We doomed, man! DOOMED!" Then, the panic increased and the 15-year old boy-who-really-looked-twice-his-age began having a nervous breakdown, hyperventilating with slight 'laughs' of hysteria breaking through the sharp (fast) intakes of breath.

Neku, on the other hand, could hardly breathe. With about one-hundred and eighty-five pounds atop his ninety-eight pounds of being (because let's face it: the kid was practically anorexic), Neku had enough right to say he was being smoldered. If this would continue, a news article would be published, the topic in big, bold letters: 15 year old kid gets smoldered by another 15 year old kid who was currently in the midst of a nervous breakdown when stumbling upon the news he would be put through hours of shopping. Yeah... that sounded legit.

"Beat... can't... breathe...!"

"Huh? Bwaaah! Sorry, yo!" Beat rolled to the side and Neku gasped in the sweet air. _Oh thank you, God!_ When it seemed he had recovered, Beat pushed onwards as if nothing happened. "So what we do now, yo? We make a run for it? Or do we sit there n' talk n' all?"

It was quite ironic, but Neku was actually thinking this through. The last time the boys had took off and run, it had resulted in Shiki throwing (quite forcefully, may he add) Mr. Mew at Neku's... _ahem, _man part. Pfft! Girl must've forgotten to take her time-of-month happy-pills... In her defense, Shiki _was _aiming for his stomach... Some aim she had... Oh, and Eri had a fun time nagging Beat until the guy looked ready to collapse into tears from the 'darker side' of the shopaholics... Meanwhile, Rhyme stood on the sidelines, smiling that sweet smile that practically said, "Smile. It confuses people."

"Maybe we should… talk?" He suggested sheepishly, pulling himself up off the ground.

The reaction was expected. Beat shook his head. "No way, man! Tha's stupid! I say we jus' run! Now before they get here."

_'You're the one who _suggested _it, you blundering, idio—'_

_"_Hey guys!"

Oh shit.

Both heads whipped around in the direction of the voices, eyes locking onto Shiki, Eri, and Rhyme... more so Shiki and Eri since they could be _quite _deadly. It was at this point in time where Neku made the fastest, most detailed resolution of his life, all uttered in three words:

"_Run, bitch, run!_"

And they shot up and worked their legs to the quick, heading straight past the girls and towards Cadoi City.

~.~.~

"Mr. H will know what to do..." Neku muttered to himself, hiding behind one of the shelves in Towa Records. He had turned down the option to listen to the newest CD several times... but the damn shopkeeper was _quite _persistent. On the fifth offer, Beat promptly stood up and "whispered" (since other people _were _listening to music) in a Beat-tone, "Yo, we runnin' from some crazies! We don' need music righ' now, yo!" The poor guy had backed away slowly, chuckling nervously and uttering apologies before retreating to the cash register, fingers now grasping a phone just in case.

Neku rolled his eyes at this episode before poking his head out the entrance. "Come on, Beat; let's bounce."

"Wha? Where we goin' now?" Regardless, he followed suit and didn't get an answer until they reached Miyashita Park.

"WildKat café. What, didn't you hear me mumbling earlier?"

Beat blinked a few times, wracking his brain. "Uh..."

The door was surprisingly open and without questioning why, Neku walked right in as if it were his house. A sudden need to shout, "I'm home!" bubbled up within him, but he suppressed it, not wanting to make a fool of himself like he did back at Hachiko. Ooh, Shiki and Eri were going to have his hide now... In a way, Neku felt _slightly _guilty he had panicked like that, but at the same time, it _was_ payback for the whole Stuffed Animal Attacking His Crotch incident... Just thinking about it gave him the shivers.

But that was besides the point.

The bloody café was empty, unattended.

Never good news... Someone could've busted in, Mr. H could've been ki- oh, wait, that's kinda impossible... It was just queer; why would the guy leave the door open? It was like saying, "Hey, free money! Come in any time with metal bats to mug me and take some green out of the cash register!".

Neku was going to call out for his idol, ask if anyone was home, but Beat's keen observation put a dent in that plan. He looked over his shoulder, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. "What's wrong?"

"Yo, coffee man, ya left ya door open!"

The redhead facepalmed, not wanting to put up with any more of this ignorance as he flipped on the lights. It was instant, but something on the table caught his eye: A piece of paper. Yes, a paper, white and devoid of anything except for some black lines that were obviously a message for someone, from... someone... maybe Mr. H himself. Without hesitating, he waltzed over and read it silently, resulting in confusion as he read the fourth line of the note. When he was finished, the first words that came out of his mouth were: "The Hell?!"

_Dear J,_

_Gone to get some more cups for the café.__  
__Coffee is on the back counter, snacks in the cupboards,_  
_Weed is in the top drawer ;)_

_Be back soon!__  
__~ Sanae Hanekoma_

_PS: If I leave the door open again, please close it. kthxbai._

"Why would Mr. H right something like thi-?"

He was cut off by the sounds of... _somethings _slamming to floor unceremoniously. In retaliation (after recovering from the shock), Neku whipped around and shouted, "Beat! Could you _not _slam things around like a freaking elephant for _ten seconds_? I'm _trying _to figure out why the hell—"

"I don't know whether that's a compliment or an insult."

The voice was followed by approaching footsteps, but Neku knew who it was. "Joshua."

Beat perked up at the sound of the name. "Prissy? Wha's he doin' here?"

Joshua narrowed his eyes at the exchange. Daisukenojo still failed in speech, and Neku was just... well, Neku. Regardless of the year that had passed, Joshua was still the asswipe of yesterday, giving his left nut to humiliate Neku publically if given the option. His pale blue T-shirt and black jeans were still the attire he chose to wear, but he seemed to have grown taller over time. Not necessarily as _tall _as Neku (for the bugger had also experienced a growing spurt of his own), but enough to stare him down and increase the level of awkwardness with a staring contest... Wait, what?

"Pleasure seeing you two as well," He returned sarcastically, absentmindedly twirling a lock of ash-blonde hair around his finger. "Oh, and Neku? I wouldn't overanalyze that note."

The aforementioned boy avoided the last statement, jumping to square two. "Why are you here? Don't you have a city to look after?"

"Oh, yeah, that's why I'm here hanging around in an empty café because I have nothing better to do. Bravo, Neku; you hit the nail on the head," He clapped mockingly before continuing. "The thing is, Mr. H had some issues to attend to, and as punishment for nearly destroying Shibuya and blah, blah, blah, details, details, details- anyway, I'm here with limited powers as punishment. I can still warp, but I don't think I'll be doing that any time soon now that you are both here."

Poor Beat was still trying to wrap his finger around the meaning behind the note. "So did Coffee-man really write tha' message? Or was it you?"

Joshua gazed at Beat for a few minutes before turning back to Neku, asking, "Is he-?"

"Just... let it go." Neku responded, waving a hand dismissively, ignoring Beat's annoyed huff. Without another word, he headdesked the counter, groaning irritably. "If Shiki and Eri come in, tell them to 'bring it on'..."

Unfortunately, all Joshua heard was, "Mmmmmfhmmmph...", so his response obviously rubbed Neku the wrong way (figuratively speaking, perverts), who shot up and glared a glare so intense it could practically dry up an oasis in the middle of freaking nowhere. "Coooouldn't quite catch, that, dear... You're gonna have to speak up if you want me to do something." Hehe... something. "Actually, I – well, Mr. H – have a little favor to ask. You're good with painting, right?"

In a corner, Beat felt neglected. "This is stale, yo..." He muttered dejectedly, plopping down in one of the seats. In fact, he was just relaxing when something – some_two _– caught his attention. His eyes expanded the size of dinner plates, ready to burst out of the sockets and he jumped up, shrieking, "Bwaaaah! P-Phones! Shiki-! Eri-! They comin' this way, yo! They have Rhyme too! She gonna guilt us in, man! We gotta make a break fer it!" He turned on Joshua. "Prissy, can't ya warp us or something?!"

The ashen blonde blinked in confusion. "Why are you guys running away from girls? I should've known you two had the mindset of kinder—" He was cut off when Neku grasped his shoulders painfully, just as panicked and freaked out as Beat. Joshua yelped in surprise when Beat rammed into Neku (not in that context), both faces a window to the hysteria within.

"Josh, you do _not _understand! When they want to go shopping, they're _dangerous_! And I don't think you understand the context of his, but if you don't like, do something, we're all going to _die_!" Neku screamed, shaking his former partner/killer/boyfriend vigorously.

The latter halted Neku's actions and stated calmly (once he regained his senses), "Neku, they're _just _girls who have fashion fever." Smirking and giggling that damn giggle of his, Joshua stepped out of their grasp and made way towards the still-opened door. "I'll just talk to them, and we can all go on with our lives, alright?" Unbeknownst to him, Neku and Beat were charging after the Composer, on him in just a split second. Unfortunately, being trained and being in the mindset that survival was the _top priority_, Joshua tapped in with his restricted abilities and all three boys vanished in a similar way Players in the UG were erased by Noise.

~.~.~.

Somewhere in another dimension, Neku was leaving his home and making way to Molco, Beat was off to find someplace that sold curry for a decent price, Shiki/Eri was derping with her White Angels fanclub over the prince, Rhyme was doing... something, and Joshua was on his way to meet Mick to present his latest article for Pinhead Weekly.

Somewhere in that same dimension on the other side of town in some secluded area that some people just couldn't access due to some mysterious force, three people appeared in a flash of white light atop of some building. Out of those three people, it was Joshua who spoke first:

"Neku? Beat? We're not in Shibuya anymore..."

_Way to go, dumbass_.

~.~.~.

**A/N****: **_It's awesome how I get inspiration to write, and this comes out instead... oashpofhwoghwopasoj!_

_Oh wells~ It's a parody hence the sheer OOCness... Oh, and that third to last line of this whole fanfic with all the "somes" was clearly intentional... so don't go imagining things. I swear that as we get further into chapters, things will open up more, and they'll start sliding back to in-character. Oh, and bonus points on the people who can guess where Neku, Beat, and Josh ended up in. It's so obvious, duh-hoy!_

_Well, feedback is much appreciated! Critiques are fine, but I probably won't consider them with this fanfic since it's a parody. But if you want to critique, check out some of my other fanfics. kthxbai._

**~ Inita**


End file.
